Happy Friday! If you're new to Now I Know, you'll notice that today's format differs from the rest of the week. On Fridays, I pause to write the "Weekender," my "week in review" type of thing, or to share something else I think you may find interesting. Thanks for reading! — Dan
Why Curiosity Matters
I’ve been thinking a lot about curiosity lately. When I first decided to create an online course, “The Curiosity Habit: 14 Days to See the World Differently” in August, I didn’t expect it to shift on how I think, but it has. A few weeks ago, the New York Times shared a brief guest essay titled “You’re Probably Doing Small Talk Wrong,” and it’s a perfect way to demonstrate what I’m talking about.
The authors set up a hypothetical (but familiar) conversation where two people talk but don’t really engage:
Consider the small talk classic: “How was your weekend?” Convention dictates you keep your answer brief and toss the question back. “Good, just binged some Netflix. You?” The conversation proceeds predictably. “Took my dog to the park since it was so nice.” “Oh, I have a dog, too. What kind is yours?” “A lab mix. He’s 3. …” Both parties walk away with information, but still worlds apart.
Then the authors share a different hypothetical conversation:
“How was your weekend?” “Good, but I spent way too much time watching people make tiny food on TikTok.” “Whoa, like … dollhouse-size?” “Yes! If you want to learn to make a lasagna in a bottle cap, let me know.” “That’s hilarious! We could organize a tiny food potluck — and fit the entire spread on this coaster!” “Ha! And we’d need tiny furniture, too. Should we ask that guy over there wearing Carhartt to build it?”
Before I built my course, I wouldn’t have thought much of this. But now, I’m seeing the value of curiosity everywhere. This is a great example. The authors credit the connection made in the second conversation to “riffing,” which they loosely of define as “being attentive and embracing spontaneity.” And yes, I see that – but I think there’s a more basic approach you can employ. Look at that first conversation. It’s a common one, but think about it for a second and it becomes weird. The first question is “How was your weekend?” and comes with an implicit “and what did you do?” No problem there. But when a friend responds, we often answer our own question instead of following up. That cuts off any opportunity to learn from the other person or to connect with them. Instead, we should ask them a follow-up, e.g., “oh, what did you watch?” We should be curious.
The benefits are obvious, right? We get to know the other person better (and maybe we’ll discover a new TV show). And the risks are minimal. It’s unlikely that your acquaintance will mind talking about the show they just watched; on the other hand, they may be totally disinterested in hearing what you did over the weekend. (And you may not want to share it, particularly if your answer is “nothing much”!) Being curious seems like the right path forward.
And that seems to be true most of the time – the situation this article revealed is just one of a half-dozen examples that I’ve come across since putting together my new curiosity course. No, you shouldn’t stick a fork in an outlet just to see what happens or anything like that – there’s a difference between being curious and being stupid. But if you want to learn more — and appreciate the people and world around you more — curiosity is your best step forward.
P.S. If you haven’t signed up for The Curiosity Habit yet, I sent you an email late yesterday with a sample lesson. Didn’t get it? Check out the free sample here. Still not convinced? Just hit reply and tell me what’s holding you back.
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The Now I Know Week In Review
Monday: The Tale of the Ring, According to Sauron: A few people wrote back to share that they’ve actually read this alternate history version of The Lord of the Rings, and that it’s surprisingly good.
Tuesday/Wednesday: Rosh Hashana — no Now I Know. Shana tova to those who celebrate!
Thursday: The Illusionist Who Made a Pokémon Disappear: There is no spoon. Actually, there is, and that was part of the problem.
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And thanks! — Dan
Long Reads and Other Things
Here are a few things you may want to check out over the weekend:
1) “Why catchy songs get stuck in your head (and how to stop it)” (Washington Post/gift link, 8 minutes plus a bit more to listen to some music, April 2025). This was so much fun to read (do?) and it’s also useful.
2) “The Real Butlers of the .001 Percent” (GQ, 16 minutes, May 2014). The subhead: “Call it Downton Abbey syndrome: The newest trend among the world' s ultra-rich—like, royalty-grade, private-plane-owning Scrooge McDuck rich—is to have a butler. But what type of person would willingly give over his life to serving the outrageously moneyed? As [author] David Katz discovers, these are men and women with boundless grace, innate propriety, and the wherewithal to quickly hide six hookers on a mega-yacht”
3) “Did an Enslaved Chocolatier Help Hercules Mulligan Foil a Plot to Assassinate George Washington?” (Smithsonian Magazine, 13 minutes, September 2025). I’ll admit, the title of this one hooked me. The story itself is a fun historical curiosity and worth the read, but the headline is an A+.
Have a great weekend!
Dan